Work-Life Balance Profile #20: Gilles Dahan
(TL;DR heads-up that this is a long blog post! The following introduction provides a flavour of the content)
Introduction to Gilles’ Profile
References to improving your work-life balance usually allude to reducing the “work” side of the work:life ratio. For example, by taking regular lunch breaks, clocking off earlier in the day to spend time on a hobby or socialising, or switching off your work devices outside office hours. Yet for some people, increasing (or not reducing) the amount of time spent at work, and prioritising it over other things in life, can bring a greater sense of balance.
The subject of this Work-Life Balance Profile is a person that has done just that. Introducing, Gilles Dahan.
To reach the heights of his career aspirations, and fuel his determination for success, Gilles has devoted the majority of his time, energy and attention to his career. In the 24/7 environment of global banking, often that has involved working 15 hour days and regular overseas travel. This was not an onerous choice; a strong work ethic had been instilled in him as an integral part of his upbringing and he feels that working hard is intrinsically part of his personality.
Therefore, “work” has consistently and purposefully dominated Gilles’ work-life balance and this is something that Gilles neither feels guilty about, nor regrets, despite considering himself to be a family man through and through.
In fact, Gilles feels that he has a work-life balance that is perfect for him. He thrives on his work; it nourishes him, fulfils him, and brings him a sense of contentment and satisfaction that would otherwise be lacking in his life. Not to mention, it enables him to provide for his family.
Here he shares his story, including some of the strategies and approaches he has taken throughout his long, busy and successful career to make sure that the people – and things – that matter most to him still get the quality, if not the quantity, of his life outside work.
Work : Life Balance Ratio
80:20
(On average – sometimes 90:10; sometimes 70:30)
Gilles’ Work-Life Balance Profile
Born in Paris, France, to immigrant parents, Gilles was instilled with a strong work ethic from the get-go. Now, married with three children, Gilles regards himself as a family man through and through, though his commitment to work is something that he unapologetically prioritises.
After graduating from university, Gilles pursued a career in banking and went on to become the Global Head of Trading, a job where he was responsible for a sizeable budget and a headcount of up to 60 experts. He worked for the same bank for twenty-one years and was incredibly dedicated to his work, often working around clock and travelling abroad each month for meetings.
In 2019, the bank restructured, resulting in the redundancy of numerous senior managers – himself included. Much as he loved his job (“I would have stayed with the company for a hundred years”, he said), the alternative role that was offered to him would have breached his family boundaries.
So, he decided to call it a day.
He received a respectable send-off and severance package, and two weeks later took up a job with a hedge fund. In hindsight, he says “I moved on too quickly. I didn’t take the break I needed. I started to feel burnt out”.
At the start of Covid, Gilles’ priorities changed and he decided to leave the finance industry.
After taking some time off, he embarked on a new business venture of his own. Passionate about addressing the “loneliness epidemic plaguing our society”, Gilles is using his tech-savvy skills to develop solutions that can be delivered via a mobile phone app. Alongside this, he provides consultancy services to corporations on leadership skills.
Gilles has always thrived on working hard. Growing up, he was taught that “work is everything”. As a working adult, his career has been the source of his greatest fulfilment and always took precedence over other things in life.
Though no longer working the intense schedule he was as a banker, Gilles maintains the maxim that “work is your health”. Through his work to combat loneliness, he witnesses first-hand the detrimental impact on mental and physical wellbeing that comes as a result of not connecting with others, and not having set goals to work towards: all things that work affords a person at any age.
Gilles’ belief that “work has an enormous power to make things happen”, inspires him to carry on. There may be pain, sweat and tears in the imbalance of his work:life ratio – working hard isn’t always the easy choice. But for Gilles, it is consistently the right one. And in this imbalance, he has found true purpose, fulfilment, and happiness.
Working hard: that’s the life for me
Gilles vividly remembers his parents’ reaction to the announcement that he had been hired for his first job: he described it as a “family celebration”:
“I grew up with work being everything in life. Both my parents worked, and it was thought of as so important: the core of who we were going to be.”
Gilles had been appointed for his first job: he had arrived. He went on to pursue a career in banking, becoming a trading manager in a company for whom he worked for twenty-one years, climbing the corporate ladder to become one of their Global Heads of Trading, a job where the stakes are high, and long working hours are par for the course.
The youngest child in the family, Gilles had a well-trodden path to follow, and as a student he knew that “slacking off” and not putting enough effort into his studies, was “non-negotiable”. “It was just not tolerated”, he said. He grew up in a home, he told me, where although work was clearly a means to an end, it was also considered “key in life”.
That’s not to say that homelife was all work and no play. On the contrary. “We had a blast”, he said of his childhood:
“Family time was always special, and we did lots of sport and learned music too”.
Gilles grew up in Paris to parents who had immigrated from Morocco, leaving a good life behind in search of better educational opportunities for their children.
For Gilles’ parents, working hard was not an option: it was a matter of survival and an opportunity to build their new life and stay healthy. In turn, this became their way of life.
When I interviewed Gilles in June 2022, he talked with great enthusiasm about the passion that his parents instilled in him of working and staying physically and mentally active. The opposite, he told me, is inactivity, loneliness: all things that have a detrimental impact on your health.
“Le travail c’est la santé”, was the family mantra. Your work is your health. And it’s a message that has sustained for Gilles throughout his adult working life.
“Work is transformative; we cherish work (activity, that is) in our family so much”.
The money earned as a result is incidental, a means to an end more than a motivator. Gilles’ salary enables him to provide his family with a “good lifestyle”, but it is not the be all and end all. For example, he once refused a promotion because it didn’t suit his circumstances. On this, Gilles says:
“There is making money and there is making enough money. People have to feed their kids. Making money is hard; but it is also exhilarating. And people have a choice; there’s a risk that’s it’s never enough and managing this risk is key”.
He quotes Steve Jobs, who on his deathbed said words to the effect of “I’m not bringing my billions with me”. This has inspired Gilles to not lose sight of the other things that are important in his life; to put his heart into the “life” side of his work:life ratio, even though remaining balanced usually involves putting work first.
Impressionable metaphors: The sky is the limit; but you are not an island
Throughout our conversation, Gilles’ words were peppered with vividly descriptive turns of phrase, which I put down to the fact that French is his mother tongue. From what he described, metaphorical expressions were in his lexicon from childhood, and they contributed to shaping his expectations of the future work-life balance he would go on to construct for himself.
As a student, he was – by his own reckoning – not the most “serious” or “dedicated”. He says that he liked to be a bit cheeky and had a “strong personality”. Life wasn’t all work, work, work. He was taught both that “the sky is the limit” and that “you can’t live on an island”.
Life wasn’t all work, work, work. He was taught both that “the sky is the limit” and that “you can’t live on an island”.
These metaphors translated into some hard-hitting messages for a young and impressionable Gilles, who describes himself as having been an obedient child. “My parents ensured that my siblings and I would be equipped for financial independence”, he told me.
Despite feeling determined to please his parents and forge a successful career, Gilles also knew, from the examples set at home, that working hard was alone not enough to live a fulfilled life. That a true sense of balance comes from forging meaningful personal connections with others. This is something that Gilles has sought to do both in his professional life and his private one.
When interviewing people for this blog, I’m always curious to explore the correlations between a person’s attitude to studying in their youth, and the work-life balance they go on to establish in adulthood: does being a conscientious student indicate that you’re more likely to apply a higher value to the “work” side of your work:life ratio in your adult working life?
I once put a poll out to readers to gauge views on this and the findings were surprisingly mixed. You can read the blog: “Study-Life Balance” Vs “Work-Life Balance” for more insight and results of the poll.
As far as Gilles is concerned, he feels like he is hard-wired to work hard. “It’s the way I’m designed – whether it is working for money or not”, he told me.
He says that he wasn’t pushed by his parents to follow any particular career path, but was left to make his own choices. As long as he put in the effort with his school work, his parents were satisfied. If he didn’t perform well at school, there would be a conversation: “dialogue and coaching rather than what I’d consider pressure”, he remembers.
Mindful of the sacrifice his parents had made for him and his siblings to have greater opportunities, he did not want to disappoint them.
As well as being influenced by his family who set both an example and expectations of highly valuing “work”, Gilles feels that he has a natural inclination to take his work seriously, to prioritise it over many other things in life.
For example, it would not be a concern for him to have Sunday plans with the family interrupted by work emails (he monitors his work phone over the weekend); he regularly worked 15-hour days and travelled abroad on business when his children were young, missing out on some milestones, such as school sports days.
Unapologetically dedicated to work around the clock as per the demands of the global trading market, work has taken precedence throughout much of Gilles’ adult working life. The sky has been the limit for him: he climbed the ranks of his firm to reach senior heights, responsible for several expert teams and $billions of transactions; he has travelled the world on business and has earned enough money for him and his family to live off his single salary.
Yet, despite his elevated professional ambitions and expectations that he be entirely committed to his work, Gilles holds fast to not being an island.
Gilles described how, as a manager, he would care for the individuals in his team, and how mindful he was of leading by example in being as present and dedicated to the work as he expected them to be.
At the same time, at home, he prides himself on being “present” as a husband and father, consciously spending the limited time he has with his loved ones when he isn’t working with purpose, harnessing deep connections, sharing information, and most notably, an advocate of “dropping (digital) weapons” in order for true communication to unfold.
As an “island”, Gilles would not have been able to establish the family that he so whole-heartedly adores.
Metaphors aside, however, Gilles’ work:life ratio is only manageable because he has a partner who has actively chosen to be the primary carer of their children and home, rather than pursuing her own career.
“We have found an equilibrium, which works for both parts of our partnership, and for our family at large”, he explained. As I’ve touched on previously on this blog, power couples come in all shapes and sizes.
Quality, not Quantity: Making time at home count
One of the most profound observations I’ve made from interviewing the multitude of people that I have for this blog, is that it is a misnomer to believe that in order to improve your work-life balance, you need to reduce the “work” side of your work:life ratio.
Of course, for some, that is the answer to improving work-life balance.
But, based on the evidence I have gathered through my interviews and conversations, I would say that it is indeed possible to improve your work-life balance, while at the same time maintaining, or increasing, the proportion of time you dedicate to your work.
Gilles’ is a case in point.
Although during the height of his career, Gilles designated a proportion of only around 10-20% of his time to his home life, he claims to have maintained a healthy sense of balance.
For some this would be unfathomable. For example, Gilles described a time as a trader when he was managing the listing of European stock on the Asian market. The time differences required him to work night shifts, and over the course of three weeks he would get up at 2.00am and work around the clock to get the job done. Home life, including a family holiday (which was consequently cancelled), had to fit around his work schedule as the job required his attention.
Nevertheless, Gilles argues that he still managed to maintain a work-life balance:
“On paper this sounds horrible. But in practice, two weeks later I took an even longer holiday with my family and everything worked out fine”.
There are three ways that Gilles explains his rationale, which I’ve taken the liberty of summarising into the following categories: (1) Strategy (2) Opportunity and (3) Flexibility.
Let me break this down a bit further:
- Strategy: Gilles has had a long-term strategy for his career, and his work-life balance has been shaped accordingly. His 20s and 30s were dedicated to the “building” stage (both for work and family); this was his time to dig deep, work hard to set the foundations of his career, knowing that later in his life he would reap the rewards. Meanwhile, outside of work he was meeting his wife, getting married and setting the personal foundations of starting a family. Gilles was anchored by the principle that he was “building” his future life, and this influenced how he set his priorities, and justified all of his work/life choices. To this end, it was easy for him to deduce “what matters and what doesn’t matter”.
- Opportunity: With work commitments usually taking priority, Gilles is determined to take every opportunity possible to get the most value out of his time at home and with his loved ones. His observant Jewish practice, which involves preserving “work-free” periods during the Sabbath (every week from sunset on Friday until sunset on Saturday) and religious festivals, provides the backdrop to many of these opportunities. On these days, Gilles makes a point of spending time together with his family in a blissfully “screen free” environment, which Gilles considers to be very enriching. On this, he says:
“The dialogue within the family is active and transparent. This helps measure whether my work-life balance needs adjusting”.
- Flexibility: One unshakable priority for Gilles is for his family to know that they can count on him, regardless of his work commitments. This does not necessarily require reducing his working hours, but managing them flexibly when the need arises at home:
“The 80-20 ratio must not be fixed”, Gilles explains. “It should move around and be flexible so that my family, and especially my children, know that I can always be available when it matters”.
For Gilles, having this flexibility makes “the world of difference” when making choices about his priorities and dedication to work.
Throughout our conversation, Gilles did not once mention the word “guilt”. By basing his work-life balance choices on these strategic, opportunistic and flexible, foundations, Gilles is deliberate about how he spends his time, and does not appear to harbour any concerns or regrets about the long hours he spent at work away from home when he had a young family. I’ve mentioned before on this blog, the advantage that having a sense of purpose affords a person in establishing a contented work-life balance. Gilles has purpose in spades, and this makes all the difference.
It is interesting to consider Gilles’ story alongside accounts of full-time working mothers, such as in the blog post Sheara’s Story: A Tale of Full-Time Working Motherhood. Sheara described “worrying that [her children] will one day resent her for not being as present as other mothers they know”.
Though, like Gilles, Sheara had a similar support network caring for her family, enabling her to focus on her career, Gilles did not describe experiencing any of the “guilt” that she did on account of his working pattern. He accepted it, and in his mind, he made the most of his time on both sides of the work:life ratio.
Allow me to introduce you: “’Work’, meet ‘Life’; ‘Life’, meet ‘Work’”
There is another balance that Gilles consciously pursues, and that is the balance of sharing his working life with his home life, and vice versa. When so much of his time was spent at work, he told me that it would feel disingenuous not to reference his life outside of work to his colleagues; similarly, at home he felt it important that his family knows what he is out doing all day.
I’ve previously explored the notion of multitasking on this blog. Adunola, who I interviewed back in December 2021, had constructed her work-life balance by multitasking running her business with her childcare.
Gilles does not consider himself a multitasker, yet he certainly blurs the lines between his “work” and “life”. This is a personal approach that some I’ve interviewed (e.g. Sam, who talked about checking his work phone and emails on his non-work day) adhere to; and others find intrusive (e.g. Katherine, who managed her work load so that it didn’t spill into her time at home).
Although Gilles’ activities at home and at work are separate and he doesn’t attempt them concurrently, he values the blurred lines between the two: At home, he would share his work challenges with his family, so they have some context of what he’s doing all day when he’s out of the house. Then, at work, he would be open about his family and community commitments.
The key for Gilles is being authentic: though he “adapts according to the context”, he is the same person, be it at work or at home. That seems to provide him with a sense of peace and ease with how he chooses to spend his time.
When he worked in banking, Gilles would make a point of “bringing himself to work”, taking his children to visit his workplace; and likewise, openly talk about work at home:
“I didn’t share too much personal stuff with people at work, but when you’re working 14 hours a day, in a team and as a very senior manager, it is important that your colleagues understand some things about your personal commitments”.
It helped that his outside interests were mostly local and often involved his family, a few friends, or his community. Though people often assume him to be an extrovert, Gilles regards himself as an introvert at heart and does not pursue “intense social interactions” during his time outside work. He adds that this suited his “work-family balance” well.
“Saturday is my time off from work”, he explains. “But work is also time to myself. It gives me a sense of fulfilment, achievement, and great satisfaction. My relationship with my work has been extremely fulfilling”.
Whilst Gilles’ “work” consistently carries more weight than the “life” side of his work-life balance, the two are ingrained enough to complement one another.
There is clearly an imbalance here. Yet it is a comfortable one, and one that Gilles accepts as his preferred way of life, “as long as it feeds into a meaningful life segment”.
Indeed, the imbalance itself is the source of his contentment; and he wouldn’t want it any other way.